Plant Medicine's "Elephant in the Room"

In unearthing and organizing 12 years of testimonials from various places for this website and crying my eyes out, so many beautiful memories of this work are surfacing and filling me with inspiration and gratitude  To all of you who have connected with Eugene and I over the years, in all the ways, thank you for allowing us to fulfill our Dharma and serve.

This one jumped out as I was gathering them, and something I wish to speak on as an elephant in the room of the plant medicine community that often is pushed under the rug.

This was a man we met at a 50 some person Ayahuasca ceremony we were not facilitating, that was removed from the space for screaming and left alone.

He was processing some very intense childhood trauma, and as I went to sit with him and gently sang to him (as a recipient and not an assistant or facilitator), he began to find his breath and calm down, but I was told by the facilitator to leave him alone so he could "find his power ".

Not surprisingly, after I went back inside, his screams continued for the rest of the ceremony.

The level of absolute terror and panic he was feeling and the embodiment of his inner traumatized child was extremely obvious, and it upset me enough that I stopped sitting with this particular facilitator after the incident. After 70 some ceremonies at this temple, and seeing this happen multiple times, I finally left the place as a whole and never looked back.

He ended up still in the medicine sitting at a fire at the end of the ceremony, rocking back and forth and suddenly asked me if I served medicine, and we ended up sharing a 1 on 1 ceremony.

We were able to help him navigate the source of his screaming, and he was able to connect purely with Ayahuasca for the first time, and I remember him saying it was the first time he felt a tangible feeling of receiving love.

 I remember this ceremony so vividly even though it was several years ago.

"The blessings of a true healer are immeasurable. I'm fortunate to have met one while visiting Cusco, Peru. Angelica is an immensely gifted healer who listens to the voice of Spirit and the aching of the human soul. Her depth of knowledge of shamanic and other healing arts is incredible! Angelica draws her knowledge of healing from multiple spiritual traditions and incorporates them into her ceremonies while providing a safe and comfortable environment for you; I felt as though I was among loving and caring personal friends. However, I was most deeply moved by her respectful, friendly, and sincere compassion. I arrived at the ceremony carrying deep personal trauma from early childhood abuse and emerged with a more vibrant sense of life, hope, and healing. I am deeply grateful for her, for her integrity and for her work as a true healer. In the current landscape of commercialized healers, Angelica is a rare, gifted, and professional person. She is part of a new generation of authentic healing practitioners who are humble stewards of Ayahuasca medicine. I am honored to recommend her as a guide for your own personal journey toward healing and wholeness"

Alex Widjaja

Recently I came across a post in an Ayahuasca group of a woman at a retreat center who was told she had to leave her retreat because her wailing and emotional release was disruptive to the group, after also being removed from the ceremonies.

 It really deeply bothers me that this is such a common occurrence in group ceremonies and centers, when someone is coming with real healing to do and is treated like a burden when they are moving through their process, and more often than not re-traumatized by the experience.

  In the comment thread on her post, most people were chastising her and agreeing with the facilitator who told her that she was being dramatic and to "just hold it in".

To me this is a MAJOR issue when it comes to the overall medicine community that has in many ways become corrupted by capitalism. People with real trauma come seeking healing and are shamed for expressing the pain they are carrying because it "takes away from the music" or otherwise upsets someone else.

This is NOT ok in a healing space, I have had my share of screaming experiences earlier in my journey that were trauma related--screaming is a natural and primal way to release unprocessed fear, anger, and other emotions from the womb and nervous system, and when the space is held from safety and acceptance, is immensely conducive to healing and productive.

In my experience, when given the full space, generally it doesn't need to happen for very long. When you interrupt someone in this kind of release, tell them to shut up, shame them, or otherwise add to the fear they are feeling it drives the emotion deeper into the persons body.

 For me, this kind of emotional purging never bothered me in a shared space when I was receiving, it put me in touch with the discomfort that would arise and taught me deeper compassion. I would always internally celebrate this person for their release.

THIS is what inspired me

to focus on 1 on 1 work!