Commitment-What Plants Have Taught me about Long Term Partnerships

Many people have asked what goes into a successful long term romantic relationship, my short answer is further down in this post. I've been with my current partner for 11 years, since before first arriving in Peru...

 And what a journey it has been...through the ups and downs, the pain and bliss, the times in different continents, and the times of being together 24/7, through many phases of shedding and transformation individually and as a couple, through working through many highly dysfunctional past relationship patterns, through phases of offering our life's work both together and separately, through a short phase of polyamorous exploration... to come back to the "honeymoon" phase with more maturity and depth after a decade, I couldn't ask for a better person to do life with.

The love between couples is something as unique and mysterious as the people themselves, and can't really be fully understood by those outside of it! But when you see two people truly in love and fully dedicated to the growth of themselves and their partner, and in surrender to how this growth comes, it is unmistakable the magic that is felt.

Commitment in general seems to be a rare thing in plant medicine circles, it can be enormously difficult to work through the shadow that arises in this path and have the courage and dedication to fully meet yourself and the other in vulnerability and an open heart through each shift, and come through the other side with someone...over and over. These are some things I've learned in the process that are important to having a healthy relationship:

•  Finding the delicate balance between independence and interdependence

•  Taking space and allowing someone to grow more deeply into their independence and learning how to best support yourself and them through the processes that arise

• Letting go of the fears of abandonment in allowing someone the complete freedom to follow their passion and calling... celebrating their expansion and successes. On that note, letting it be ok for your interests and social circles to have differences, and having your own friends in addition to those you share

• Allowing yourself to be held and witnessed fully in your dark times of feeling small, unlovable, unworthy and "not enough"

• Creating and maintaining a line of communication between you rooted in absolute trust, honesty, and transparency

• Creating and communicating boundaries when needed

• Holding the vision of someone's fullest potential while having patience, compassion, and acceptance for the process of them gradually growing into it

• Taking full accountability for the ways you are triggered by the other, openly naming and talking through them without judgement, and being aware of/naming projection...and having a level of trust that allows gently "calling out" the other person when this is unconsciously happening

  
  

 And so much more. But so worth the work. Sending love to you other powerful and inspiring couples I have met in this time (and those waiting for the right time).

We have held many plant and healing spaces for couples in the past addressing many of these bullet points, and this is a shared passion of ours, feel free to reach out if you are called!