A Reflection on Gossip and Judgement

It is important to consider the ways you talk about others, and to take the time to examine where judgement is really coming from. Is it a valid negative thing about that person that is potentially creating harm to others? Or is it something you perceive and dislike on a personal level? More often than not, whatever is said will make it back to the person that is the object of gossip.

Personally, I have found that judgement I hold toward other people for their behavior, healing process, or personality is a direct reflection of my own shadow and insecurities. Something about myself that I don't like, don't want to see, that I project onto another person because I don't want to acknowledge it in myself, and the projection is much easier and less work than self examination.

I have had some experiences over the last year of clients for extended, deeper work coming to the expat community near where I live receiving gossip coming from people who have hardly talked to me, have definitely never received my work, and know very little of me. This time it was more triggering than usual.

Luckily most of these clients trust me from our interactions before coming for work, and these things they are told do not impact the way they feel toward me or the upcoming work we are doing.

As I examined this triggered part of me, what I felt was a wound of many years of feeling misunderstood in my adolescence, not being seen by others for who I am and seemingly viewed through a distorted lens.

It can be difficult walking in this world as a neurodivergent who is both positively and negatively authentic, transparent, and direct in communication by nature, and I am often perceived as cold, uncaring, or even manipulative.

 One thing I've noticed about humanity in general is that we tend to put on a mask when interacting....to speak in a way that will please the other person, encourage them to accept us, to "like" us, or seek their approval in some way, or unconsciously manipulate them into doing something we want or expect from them. To put on a different "hat" for each person based on mental definitions of what we think will help them to perceive us more positively. I see this show up as social anxiety for some people, constantly analyzing how to act or speak and ruminating on things they said to someone.

 This is something I have never been able to relate to or understand fully on a personal level, but I see it everywhere and seem to have a built in somatic sensor in my body that detects when someone is not speaking from their authentic self and it is very uncomfortable feeling.

I realized at some point that part of my "medicine" in this world is helping people reconnect to their raw, authentic self that has become buried and repressed by societal conditioning, to break through the colective "throat chakra block" to raw expression.

I've always been one to genuinely speak my mind and it seems to create alot of waves and triggers for those around me. As some tell me I have no "filter". I think my current process is trying to do so with compassion...

As always, welcoming reflection in the comments or privately.